Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
