I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
