I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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