Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
