Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize