Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
