that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
