She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
