In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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