When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize