I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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