Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
