things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
