so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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