hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
