i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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