I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
