Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
