we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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