im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like a drive thru vagina
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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