so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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