That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
