He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
