Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
