Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
