what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
