It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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