My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
