I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
