Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
