Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
