I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
