loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
