How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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