so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The ass gains better be worth it
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