so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
