No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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