did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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