That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
