I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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