I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
