im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
