did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
