There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize