Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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