she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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