I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
