I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
