I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
