I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
