Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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