I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
