I could make wine with my vomit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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