fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
