Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were destined to go to rehab together
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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