i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
