You just made me feel so damn special
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
