i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
