My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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