I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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