i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize