Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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