3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
my poor anus
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
