I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
