You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
