time to smoke my breakfast
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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