have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
