I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
