lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
that's an acceptable place to lick
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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