My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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