well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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