Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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