P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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