You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
