I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
