Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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