good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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