i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
FUCK WHALES
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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