just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
