oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
