I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
