Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize