I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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