I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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