Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
