last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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