i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
