I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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