dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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