i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are we still banned from the library?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
